Comedy

Apps For A Post-Trump America

tumblr_me7gllj1bp1rkuj2ro1_1280

Hello! We slaves staff here at the Trump House have heard rumors that the transition to the new regime has been difficult for some. While those who raised the rumors have been swiftly executed, we thought it would be a good idea to provide some guidance to you, the populace. We have created several apps help make your day a little Trumpier. I love my job I swear!

Hot Seat

It can be difficult to know exactly which ethnic, religious, or racial minority you should direct your anger towards each day. The Hot Seat is updated by Trump himself to show which group is deserving of your righteous fury. Remember our slogan: When In Doubt, Lash Out!

App Features Include:

  • Readily available slurs
  • Voice recording of “Go Back to (insert foreign country here)”

MovieDrone

Watch with with HD-quality video from the POV of the Trump Drone as it strikes down insurrectionists and the families of terrorists!

App Features Include:

  • Filters replacing fire with rainbows for family fun!

iExecute

Sick and tired of having to walk all the way to the town square just to enter your name into the monthly sacrifice? Now feel free to enter your name digitally from the discomfort of your cardboard box or dirty alley!

App Features Include:

  • Preferred method of execution

Nike Run App

This app lets you know the best route to take during Trump’s spontaneous human hunting trips! Now you have a real reason to stay in shape.

App Features Include:

  • A counter to compare your fastest times with other survivors

Tribute

Sure, Tinder was outlawed in 2017 as executive orders decreed all child-rearing age females as reserved for Trump. But now you can relive all that swiping fun! Swipe left and right to weigh in on which concubines you think will please the Chancellor most.

App Features Include:

  • An option to say whether or not the woman in question is more attractive than Ivanka. There are no wrong answers, just answers that will get you executed!

 

ALL APPS ARE MANDATORY FOR DOWNLOAD. THOSE TOO POOR TO HAVE A SMARTPHONE IN THEIR POSSESSION SHALL MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE TOWN SQUARE FOR IMMEDIATE CLEANSING.

Sources: AllThingsApocalypse.tumblr.com

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s